yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
