Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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