elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
