Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
