Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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