I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
