I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
