Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
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