He is like the real live version of the state fair..
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
