I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
