OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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