I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
