just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
