I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Randomize
