i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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