I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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