I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
