whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Randomize
