how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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