Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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