i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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