also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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