Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
