I think I won the penis lottery.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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