how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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