12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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