Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Randomize
