i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
