you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
