I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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