No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
