Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
