It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
