Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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