WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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