That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
