So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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