i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
