he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
