pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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