She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
