"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
