U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
