Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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