I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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