So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
