Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
