i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
