The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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