I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
