i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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