guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I feel like abortions should bother me more
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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