New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
