OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
