Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
